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The Elizabeth I Quiz

About Elizabeth, For Elizabeth.  Proceed:

1. Name some of Henry VIII’s wives:
- Catherine Sub-Par
- Plain Seymour
- Katherine Blowhard
- Her Royal Highness Anne Boleyn

2. What news has come under the oak tree?
- “For Gods sake, quit lying about under trees, you’re the Queen now”
- “I have to give you urgent news! But not here, somewhere else.”
- “Come! The animals have already begun a reprisal of The Circle of Life’”
- “Aha- an apple has fallen on my head and so I have discovered I am Queen. Science!”

3. What do we think of Sir Francis Drake?
- Jolly good
- Jolly rotten
- Jolly roger
- Walter Raleigh

4. Which suitors shall we reject today?
- Price Eric the Desperate
- Prince Philip of Good Heavens No
- Archduke Charles the Bore
- A busload of Catholics

5. Whither the Armada?
- ‘neath my boot-heel, sirrah
- To be schooled anon
- Hand unto to them forthwith th’ ass o’ Spain
- I breakfast upon Armadas such as thine

6. Let us have black teeth because:
- It makes the smallpox scars much less the first thing that people notice
- It’s fashionable, unlike scurvy, which is disgusting
- More sweeties please

7. What shall we wear to Tilbury?
- Fripperies
- Chainmail
- A frock that says “heart and stomach of a king” but, you know, cute
- Leather jacket with Let Tyrants Fear emblazoned on back with flames

8. How shall we sign this letter to our Dudley?
- Most serene prince
- My eyes
- Your wife will rue the day she took you from me
- xoxoxo

9. What is the Babington Plot?
- Some old bosh Walsingham keeps whispering about?  Why does that man need money for arsing around instead of doing something useful?
- Someone rolled Mary Queen of Scots out of prison in a beer barrel?
- Mary Queen of Scots is handing out word puzzles?
- Walsingham’s men are lurking around Mary Queen of Scots’ privy wearing prosthetic noses?  I don’t have time for this.

10. Why do they call it the Golden Age?
- For we have mad cash (though we do not spend any of it)
- For white is for Virgin Queens and gold is for “Virgin” Queens
- For we are like a tasty frosting in the middle of an otherwise rotten oreo
- I don’t know but I’ll roll with it

Please circle all your answers and only hand in your test if you are actually Queen Elizabeth.

Bonus: Apples do not fall out of oak trees.

Quiz Footnotes


Susanna Moodie, Roughing It in the Bush

The Sweater, adapted from Roch Carrier, animated by the NFB

Douglas Coupland talks about CanLit grimness

Beautiful Losers by Leonard Cohen

At the Quinte Hotel, by Al Purdy

Owls in the Family, by Farley Mowat

Michael Ondaatje

The Cremation of Sam McGee, by Robert Service

The Shooting of Dan McGrew, by Robert Service

Canadian History Superquiz 2: Can Lit

Happy Canadian Thanksgiving everyone!  In celebration, test your knowledge of our literary landscape.

1.  Susanna Moodie is famous for her memoir:
- Roughing It In The Slush
- Flushing It In The Swish
- Huffing It In The Bushes
- Stuffing It In The Dish

2.  “The Hockey Sweater” is a children’s story about:
- Maurice “Bonhomme” Richard
- Maurice Richard as portrayed by Roy Dupuis
- The Quiet Revolution
- The demise of Eaton’s due to poor customer service

3.  Choose your geographic metaphor:
- The prairie is vast and empty, like my soul
- The arctic is vast and empty, like my soul
- The city is vast and empty, like my soul
- The sea is vast and empty, like my soul

4.  Who are the Beautiful Losers?
- Runner ups on America’s Next Top Model
- I don’t even know what I’m supposed to think of this book
- It was you and me, but you got away, didn’t you babe
- Characters who are better appreciated after the author becomes famous doing something else

5.  What was Al Purdy doing at the Quinte Hotel?
- Forcing poetry on other patrons
- Making exquisite anthologies
- Noticing flowers
- Being insensitive

6.  Which one is the Farley Mowat novel:
- Owls in the Family
- Wolves at the Birthday Party
- Ducks in the Truck
- Snakes on a Plane

7.  For your book report, choose one of the following misspellings of Michael Ondaatje:
- “Michael Andatchey”
- “Michael On-Dot-Jay”
- “Michael …  ahh forget it!”
- “Mikey O.”

8.  Pick the line by Robert Service:
- Too much rum ‘neath the midnight sun makes a man pass out in the snow
- The whoop up was wild, there was guns and hooch and a travelin’ puppet show
- Yukon Joe ate sourdough till he had to go to the can
- The cold was fierce, and I barely recall how I murdered Sled Dog Stan

Please circle all your answers and submit your papers via the underground railroad

You may refer to past test results to see if you got any better at this.